The “Breakdown Month” | A letter to myself

i wrote this a few nights ago on verge of a total meltdown (haha), and i wanted to post incase it could encourage some of you going through the same feelings! hope it helps! and for the record, the next day i felt great;) xo ~ meg

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this could be just me, but I thought maybe, just maybe that it isn’t. so instead of giving myself the internal pep talk that has been going on inside of my head for the last 12 hours I decided to write it down, in hopes it may encourage someone who feels the same.

it’s amazing how my emotions can swing from day to day. i don’t know if it’s just because i am a girl (i’m sure that plays a part haha), or because of the pressure of running a business, being away from home, living on the road and sometimes forgetting to slow down. it seems like one day i am positive and motivated, and the next i wake up completely freaked out and in a funk. i think that i have been so on the go the last few months i’ve barely had time to think, and these last 2 days while my cell phone was out of reception, without internet and in a quiet and peaceful place, i was forced to let my mind go. i could feel the shortness of breath and anxiety creeping in as i kept trying to ignore it. i even took a nap thinking it would be gone when i woke up. but it wasn’t. then i realized it’s september and this is to be expected, i have called this my “breakdown month” for years. so why does this always happen to me? i can’t be the only one.

wedding season is finally starting to slow down and i have thousands of new plans and ideas to put into place for next year. my to-do list seems unmanageable and like every year for some reason, i seem to be on the road, working out of coffee shops and the passenger seat of a car. after months of being on the go, when i let myself feel it i know that i am exhausted. *(i need to write this as a reminder for next year, september is not the month to be crazy, september is crazy enough as it is, it needs to be a month to finish up loose ends from the season and RELAX, … and then october can be crazy. haha.)

as much as know it is important to have grace with others, tonight i had to remind myself it is just as important to have some grace with myself. every year when this happens i begin to think my photography career has come to an end, i’m not booking enough, i’m not good enough, i’m not creative enough or in the right location or charging the right amount. i’m not blogging enough, i need to finish my editing, my website needs work, my hard-drives are getting full, my computer feels like it is going to crash any moment… everything at once hits me like a ton of bricks and it is everything i have not to burst out in tears. whew. deep breath. it’s all going to be okay.

i need to have grace. i need to remember that i not only have moved my photography business for what seems like the 100th time, this time it was to a new country on a small island in the middle of the pacific ocean with a population of only 60,000. of course there is going to be a booking transition that comes with that, and i have plenty of work lined up for next year regardless. i need to remind myself that i am good enough. my clients are happy and they continue to be such a light and encouragement in my everyday life which i am so grateful. my to-do list is growing because i am responsible for 2 businesses while experiencing once in a lifetime opportunities which are inspiring me to do things i wouldn’t normally do, and on top of that i have the honor of serving so many different people in such a wonderful time in their lives. our team over at The Dressing Room App is closer than ever for launch after over a year of intensely hard work and i am in the mist of launching some very large business announcements for my photography that have occupied my mind for the last 2 months. i know that fear is always expected when taking chances like these, but everything is coming together beautifully and i can only control what i can control. acknowledge the fear and then keep moving forward, if it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, so adjust and try again. i’m blogging as much as i can, editing in every spare minute and trying my hardest to keep on top of things in the midst of the chaos. i need to have grace. i am doing the best that i can. this is nothing to get short breathed about, this is life and i know that i am strong enough and whatever comes my way i can handle it. one day at a time. okay, self-pep talk over. anyone else feel better?

so, don’t let september be a breakdown month, especially if you are a photographer. let this be the month that we are grateful for all of these incredible opportunities to learn and to grow from, whatever disguise they may come in. things usually aren’t as heavy as they seem if you take the time to write them down and focus on one thing at a time. if things aren’t going the way you wish they were, do your best not to panic, start by making small adjustments where needed and go from there. remember to take time to slow down and relax, sometimes it feels nearly impossible when there is so much going on but someone once told me “the more rushed and busy you feel, the slower you should walk” and i always try to remember that. it’s important to go through these motions, be aware with every step, slow down and then remind yourself that you’re doing great.

xo,
meg.

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