i haven’t written a post like this in a long time. the truth is, i think i’ve been a little scared to let the world back into my heart after the last 2 years, or maybe i just didn’t have the words and haven’t felt the need to find them. until now.
a few weeks ago my best friend and talented photographer jacilyn m was on kauai visiting and she offered to take some photographs of peter and i. she has been there for both of us since peter was one of my best friends on the island and we did everything together. since we camped at polihale that night under the stars when he finally kissed me. when we went through some undeniable rough patches and worked it out together. she has been there for all of it, and she is always telling me that we are the lucky ones, and that a love like ours is rare. she told me that i need to be able to see it from the outside and she wanted to show me in photographs. at first i just thought it was about getting pretty pictures, some new phone backgrounds and profile photos, but the whole experience effected me in much deeper way that i never expected and i am forever grateful.
i stood there infront of the camera, fidgeting and bouncing around nervously as i was definitely overthinking every tiny little thing as most photographers do when they are photographed. does my arm look weird? is my hair a mess? is my posture good? should i smile? where should i look? … that’s where jackie was incredible. she lowered her camera and just looked at us until i stopped weirdly moving around and told us to forget about her and to just be with eachother. wheww. i could breath again.
we stood there together, he brushed the hair away from my face and softly stroked my cheek with his thumb. his eyes were wide and staring straight into mine as he smiled. he told me that he loved me so, so much and after a second i realized that i had forgotten to breath. i was so stuck in that moment it was like everything else froze. how often do we take the time to just be still with eachother, it’s something i tell my clients all the time but i had never taken my own advice. wow, just that small quiet insignificant moment was one of the most magical of my life.
that evening jackie and i got back to my house and we imported the photos and started going through them. out of instinct i immediately started picking everything apart… my hair looks funny, my dress is blowing weird, why did i have my arm like that … blah blah blah. finally she looked at me and said “meg, these photos aren’t about your dress or your hair. look at the way he is looking at you. look how comfortable and happy your smile is. look at how loved you are.” it hit me like a ton of bricks. no one else but me was looking at the weird string of hair in my face or that my arm was in a weird spot. everyone else saw a wonderful, strong and kind man who loves me with all his heart. a man who makes me smile and giggle like no one else in the world. comfort, safety, admiration, respect and love. it made me think about the couples i photograph and i wondered how many of them have looked at a photograph to only pick apart how they looked or how they were standing instead of seeing the love that was right there infront of them. i flipped through the photographs and my eyes filled with tears. what an incredible experience.
jackie i am so forever grateful to you for these photographs and pete, im so lucky to have found you, whatever road it took for us to be here, i am grateful. thank you for always calming me down when i’m crazy, for listening to me talk for hours when i’m hyper. for laughing at my jokes that i’m sure aren’t that funny, for letting me sing at the top of my lungs in the truck. thank you for going on hikes with a smile when you’d rather be watching football, for telling me to run out towards the rainbows so you can take a photograph, for calling me on the phone in the other room to ask me out on a date. thank you for loving me and most of all, thank you for letting me love you, it is such a privilege.