The right kinda crazy.

i realize i’m weird. straight up, i know it. i am needy and annoying at times, i require constant attention and stimulation. t.v. makes me restless, i can never finish a movie and every time i try to read a book i have to read the same page over and over again because even though i’m taking in the words, my mind is somewhere else and i have no idea what they said. i’m oversensitive and stubborn and analytical. i struggle with change and overthink pretty much everything. sometimes when i feel awkward i talk about nothing at all, just to fill the silence, and i hate even going to the grocery store by myself. i like staying up way too late and if the person i’m with is tired i almost take it personally (haha). it is embarrassing how little interest i have in history and if i got the choice, i would choose to have one piece of cake today vs. the entire cake tomorrow. on a normal day i will change my clothes 3 or 4 times, i’m almost always late and i never do laundry. i think being irrational can be one of the most romantic gestures and for some strange and unknown reason, i get annoyed when my boyfriend answers his phone saying “what’s up”. (hahaha yea, that is weird.) i don’t shower as much as i should and i only wash my hair a few times a week. i’m 26 years old as of next week and i still get scared when i’m home alone or if it’s too dark or even just too quiet. i have days where i feel completely lost and then the next day where i feel like i’ve got things all figured out. sometimes for no particular reason i worry i’m not good enough or smart enough or selfless enough. i am always trying to find the silver lining to make people feel better when they’re down, and i’ve had to learn that sometimes people just want to be mad and they don’t want to hear all my theories on why it’s “actually not so bad”.

i realize all of these things are ridiculous and i am now at a point in my life where i’m able to recognize that and laugh about it. i think i’ve spent so much of my life just trying to be “right” and “perfect”, whatever that means. defending and justifying each and every one of these traits so i wouldn’t think of myself as crazy, but the truth is, we’re all a little crazy, and there’s someone out there who loves these things about me. annoying or not, these things are what makes me, me. and when i think about it, maybe that’s what we’re all searching for. maybe we’re all just searching for the right kinda crazy, and once you find it, that’s when you know for sure.2015-06-19_0002

 

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